If They Don’t Want To, You’re Just Not the One

 

Hey, I’m going to grab food and I’ll bring you something home,

Because that’s so hard.

Hey, what can I do to help make this situation okay for you,

Because that’s so hard. 

Hey, can we talk because I don’t want to fight and would rather spend the day with you,

Because that’s so hard.

Hey, can we work things out because I love you,

Because that’s so hard.

Hey, something scary happened, how are you feeling, 

Because that’s so hard. 

Hey, I don’t like cleaning but I’m happy to help because your free time is also important to me,

Because that’s so hard. 

Hey, I just want to understand you, will you explain this to me.

Because that’s so hard to understand. 

Hey, I don’t like that you did this because it makes me feel a certain way,

Because that’s so hard.  

Hey, I did this for you, not because I feel obligated but because I want to take care of you,

Because that’s so hard.

Where Are the Doghouse Stickers or If I Could Pick My Dreams Based on Ten

 

Someone who is kind

Someone who tries even when angry

Someone who kindly tells me when I’m being unkind

Someone whose mindset is that’s us trying to improve our relationship not a win lose situation 

Someone who is loving verbally 

Someone who cares when my feelings are hurt

Someone who doesn’t hurt me with the way they speak about me 

Someone who doesn’t make me feel bad about myself sexually 

Someone who makes me feel like my words are important

Someone who wants to listen to my thoughts and feelings as they make up who I am 

Are You Wrong If It Always Happens?

 

It’s September 12, things aren’t going well here. You claim you love me but then bad things keep happening. I’m so used to you being the person to understand and I feel like I’m losing that. I feel like I don’t know how to retrieve that. Did we only exist that way as an illusion? You keep saying things that aren’t nice as it relates to my character, which is an odd feeling because you should be the person who thinks the most high of me and lately, you’re not. I’m too spoiled, too everything and not enough for you, too emotional, too confused on how to move on. I don’t want to be ugly or unlovable, but I guess if I knew how to stop those things, I never would’ve been hurt in the first place. I’m always better as some dream, I’m never as good a time in reality. When you’re gone, you’ll still think of me as a good time and I’ll live best in your imagination. I can always be exactly what everyone wants in their own head. The biggest whore, the most well-behaved, the one who never speaks. No one has ever liked the version of me that has thoughts and is too emotional and can’t be controlled. That’s love no one ever wants to give. It’s like always being told you’re the dream and then you never really are. The whirlwind that’s not fun for anyone but the thing you might stay with and slowly resent, you know, all the best moments. All I keep hearing is being told that I’m too sensitive and too emotional. I’d just be better as a bitch. The I’m sorry and I love you only last for so long and then no one says those things anymore. It’s forgive without the affirmation that you’re still relevant or be a cunt. If I knew how to make someone not want to hurt me forever, I’d do that. I don’t. Never could figure out how to make someone actively covet you forever. The universe’s favorite childhood trauma. Everyone gets more prepared to leave and less interested in telling you how you matter, no more sweet words, no more tears, no more love notes, just fuck you bitch. The girl who couldn’t make her own family want her, definitely can’t keep you sweet and loving. The kicker to all of it, the inevitable unwanting.

Unwanted and Unloved or the Feelings We Tuck In At Night

 

Sometimes it’s I love you,

When it’s not,

It’s your never ending inner thoughts,

I’m too spoiled,

Too difficult,

Too mouthy,

Too much like everything you didn’t want. 

I’m nothing like you imagined.

I’m too sad,

Too hard to be with,

Too much and not enough.

Only worth I love you,

When I’m doing my tricks,

Like a good little bitch. 

Be a good little whore,

Give you what you want,

Beg for it,

But no other emotions welcome.

Best seen and not heard,

Dress like a whore,

Dress like a good little girl,

Just don’t want more.

Don’t insinuate I’m hurt,

Don’t feel feelings,

Don’t be something that he doesn’t want. 

No one likes you when you’re not performing. 

Sometimes it’s words that make me fall in love,

Sometimes it’s the most amazing thing in the world,

Other times,

Do better, be better, be someone else entirely. 

Someone he can love forever. 

Let Me Count The Ways pt. II

 

It’s like let me count the ways,

But it’s not how you fuck me,

It’s how you fall out of love with me,

I don’t look as pretty,

My laughter doesn’t sound as nice,

The look in my eyes is now unimpactful,

The first thing on your forget to do list,

Unless the to do list is naming ways,

That it’s easy to leave me,

It’s not your first go round,

I’m sure it’s even easier the second time,

Taste the same, talk the same,

Fuck the same, nothing new here,

I’m easier to hurt,

The look on my face is fodder for your next time,

I’m uneventful and unspecial,

You hate being with me the same,

Way you hated being with them,

I’ve always been fun for you to obtain,

But always hated having to keep me,

That’s why you ran away, skipped town,

Fucked around, 

I’m nothing unless I’m hurting you,

But I can’t do those things to you,

So it’s easy to hurt me,

It’s easy to watch me get upset,

And keep yelling,

The villain in your story,

Some girl stupid enough to love you,

Too many ways for you to hate me to count,

When all I wanted was your love 

Favorite Fantasy

 

Tell me something dirty,

How it all started,

Things evolve,

Differences happen,

Now it’s do something,

Do something dirty to me,

Something so dirty,

That you’ll think about it,

Every time you’re gone, 

Every time I’m not there,

For you to plant yourself in,

Every time you’re angry,

So good you can’t even help yourself,

Angry but so fucking hard,

Begging yourself because you want it so bad,

Want me so bad,

Because I’m always so wet for you,

Begging for you to use me, 

Touch me,

Dip your fingers into me,

Cum inside me,

Claim me,

In ways that no one else can ignore,

Always full of you,

Always dying to watch you inside me,

Always ready for you

The Moon Over Georgia

 

If there were ever moments,

I didn’t know I needed,

They all exist with you,

Moments in time,

That make my heart beat so hard,

That I know I’m alive,

Things that live inside me for ever,

Just like you should,

The only thing in the world,

That I can see,

The words in my ear,

That are only ever meant for me,

A place to exist within you,

So you never forget,

How badly I always wanted you,

How ready for you,

I’ve always been,

Space in my life,

That always belonged to you,

Pieces of myself,

That are only real because of you,

A response that only you generate,

You feel like sunshine,

Warming all of my skin,

The thing I want most,

The thing I’m scared to need,

Until you open your mouth,

And you make me feel things,

I don’t know how to explain,

All of a sudden,

No one has ever made me feel loved,

Until you,

No one has made me yearn to belong,

To you so desperately,

To pray that you want this,

So bad that you’ll make me forever,

That you’ll never change,

That I’ll be your favorite commitment,

The voice inside your head.